Why I think it’s ok not to know yet

Can I tell you a big secret of mine? 

I feel really insecure that I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. It’s not like it this a new thing though. Truthfully, I haven’t known for a really long time. 

I remember when I was little I made something up. I told my mom I wanted to be a hippo farmer. Who even says that?!
When I was in middle school we took a career aptitude test and it told me based on my scores that I should become a farm nursery worker and take care of baby trees. 

When I went to college my dad desperately wanted me to become a nurse to support a dream of one day being a missionary in other countries. I fainted the first time I got my blood drawn. 

I thought maybe I would try being a biology major in college. I started off strong but to be a bio major you also need extensive chemistry classes. I barely passed the intro chem class. I was so afraid of my professor but I knew I needed help. I would go to his office hours and sit there and cry while he tried explaining molecular something or others. 

Then I thought maybe I would be a teacher. My mom was a teacher for over 30 years and rocked at it. We have similar personalities so I thought I would give that a try. I quickly realized that all teaching consists of is public speaking. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that in the first place but it wasn’t a good fit. 

All this to say I have had to become comfortable in the unknowing. I really believe it is ok not to know.  I think sometimes there is a brilliance that comes with not having a big-picture plan for your life because the Lord often takes that and runs with it. Not being locked into your own desires can be a beautiful tenderness that the Lord loves to use in accomplishing His own purposes and plans. 

Sometimes the pain point of communicating this to others can be a crack for doubt to creep in. I remember this happening when I moved to Nashville. I moved here because I felt the Lord asked me to. I didn’t really have a plan, I just knew what He said. Attempting to communicate this obedient step to a group of people who didn’t know the Lord in that way, was incredibly discouraging. I wish I could go back to 2021 Sarah and tell her that communicating obedience and purpose to others - especially when you are waiting on the Lord to fill in the rest of the blanks - can be a moment where you must rely on the Lord even more. There could be moments where, if we aren’t careful to protect our hearts and minds from the voice of doubt, we could start second-guessing what we know is true. 

My prayer for you as you graduate is that the voice of God would be even more clear in your life. That you would trust Him as he guides you through all the post-grad uncertainties. I pray right now that in the name of Jesus, you would hear the still small voice of purpose over your precious life. Let that voice be so convincing that you wouldn’t let anything else move you. There is an anointing for you. There is room at the table to meet with your Savior and King to talk about every joy and fear.

The voice of doubt, uncertainty, and fear is so loud. As much as it might feel like it in those moments, listening to that voice isn’t self-protective. Staying in fear - staying stuck doesn’t help you. It doesn’t help those whom you are called to love and serve. It doesn’t help your best friends who don’t know Jesus yet. It doesn’t serve your family. The voice of your friend Jesus is louder, way more compelling, and by following will yield much fruit. His voice is kinder, more invitational, and will move you with compassion and action. 

Sweet graduate - there is so much power in your prayers and your choices. I pray that you would seek the Lord, yield to His voice of peace, and move towards Him even in the doubt and confusion that may set in after the celebration. You are called and you are so loved.