For the Girl Dreading Going Back to School Because of Shifting Friendships

You know the friend group - the one where you feel a little on the outside unless you say yes to every single invite. You notice things like inside jokes being formed when you’re not there. There is a little bit of an out of sight, out of mind nature to these particular girls and summer really emphasized this insecurity in your heart. Without the banner of school and being in the same classes every day, you notice that they aren’t texting as much as they used to and you might even feel a little nervous not fully knowing if y’all are on the same page as you were when the school year ended last year. 

I also know there is a gal reading this who was friends with all upperclassmen last year and this school year they will be at colleges scattered across the region. You are figuring out who your people are for the last few semesters of high school. It kind of feels like starting over and you wonder if it’s really ok to be better friends with a girl from a different high school that you dance with in ballet than girls at your own school. It can be so difficult to navigate the changing groups of friends when your people aren’t physically present. 

Maybe you’re a gal who for the longest time has been better friends with guys than with girls but this summer the boys started treating you differently or making your friendships more complicated. You’ve been trying to find gals to be better friends with but it seems like you have nothing in common. You would rather sit through 8 hours of algebra than hear about the clothes they bought at Zara last weekend for the third time. You wish it wasn’t so complicated to just hang with the guys again and need some place to belong.

I also feel for the gal who feels like she doesn’t have a “group” - you probably feel like you bounce in a few different groups of friends but when it comes to big events like prom, or the homecoming dance you feel like you are letting people down by saying no to one group and yes to another. While it’s fun to be friends with a lot of different people, sometimes you wish you were just known by a few people a little more deeply than the transience of your current pals. 

Hi sister. I know it’s hard.

A couple of things come to mind for you as you are prepping for this next school year -

First, it is VERY normal for you to have friendships and peer relationships at the forefront of your mind. You are figuring out how you relate to the world around you and most of the time this comes through these kinds of relationships. It’s normal to be seeking out acceptance in friend groups and wanting to be secure in where you fit. Deep breaths - this is part of being a teenager.

Second, it won’t always be this way. There will come a day when you don’t feel like you have to buy the next trendy thing to fit in (looking at all of us with Stanley Cups 🙋🏼‍♀️). There is a day coming when you will give grace to yourself to be a little different, to try something against the grain, to figure out who you are apart from the crowd. It’s also ok if that day isn’t today.

I know that the thing that is going to ground you in all of it - in the shifting of friend groups, in the picking who to go to the football game with, in the not getting invited to Sonic after the show, in wishing you had more gals to hang with on the weekends, in efforts to avoid all the drama - in all of it… the thing I hope you tether yourself to is what the Lord says about you.

Most of the time when we have a friendship insecurity, it is because it is pushing on something in us that we need the Lord to handle. For me, usually, that is that I need to be more sure of His character. We can’t know who we are without knowing who He is. Once we truly have a grasp on a knowledge of His nature and authority, that allows us to relate more to HIM than to our friendships.

Your friendships will change and shift for the rest of your life. Jesus remains constant and steady.

You are going to be let down in friendship. Jesus will never let you down.

You want to be known and loved in friendship. Jesus gives you the deepest and most satisfying love there is.

You might feel the sting of betrayal in friendship. Jesus felt it too and promises not to forsake us when we trust in Him.

You might feel like you don’t even have friends right now. Jesus says He is a friend who loves you more than a sibling.

My prayer for the girl reading this right now is that you would take a moment alone with the Lord to decide on your best next step. It could be as simple as googling “Who does Jesus say that I am?” But do something today - your friendships will be better for it.