For The Gal Struggling to Forgive
Did she start a nasty rumor about you? Have you been scanning the cafeteria wondering who’s heard it all week? Did someone you barely know say something awful on an anonymous app that you were just using to try to figure out if your crush liked you back or not? Did that guy drag you along for a month thinking there was something there, all to find out yesterday that he started dating someone else? Are you overthinking the way they looked at you or the comment someone made from literally last week? Maybe you’ve been really hurt. Like someone messed up big time and you’re still trying to pick up the pieces? Are you having a hard time letting it all go?
I know firsthand how hard forgiveness can be. I go through seasons when forgiveness comes really easy, and other seasons where I still am holding on too tight. I want to share a couple of points I have learned on the journey. I am not an expert here. There are still people in my world who are hard not to hold grudges against. As you will see further on, forgiveness says more about you than them. I think the seasons of holding on too tight might just be a marker that I need to hold onto Jesus tighter too.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4:31-32
Hard truth time. I hear all the time students saying things like “yeah I forgave ‘so and so’ in my heart” but they still walk around with this massive chip on their shoulder. I see students say “yeah I moved on” and still treat each other like actual trash or say horrible things behind their backs. Let me give it to you so straight you can’t miss it- Revenge in any form hurts the heart of God. You are considered ROYALTY in Christ. You are a daughter of a King. We will not stoop to any level that hurts them back.
Here’s the deal team. If we are going to be people who love the Lord, forgiveness needs to flow out of us. Forgiveness is not just a momentary “yeah it’s ok.” Let’s start thinking of the concept of forgiveness as a spiritual-legal agreement that says, “I promise not to hold this against you anymore.” Our Father in Heaven sees us without flaw because He sees us through what Jesus did on the cross. The forgiveness of God over our messed-up lives is free of charge. He says “Sweet Child Of Mine, I promise not to hold this against you anymore. Welcome home.”
When we choose not to forgive, our hearts get hardened. The Bible says that God gives us over to our sin when our hearts get hard. This means that He stops stopping us from sin. We lose touch with what is right and wrong because our hearts aren’t soft toward His correction (That is a whole other post). When we choose not to forgive we let bitterness and resentment rule and reign. I don’t know about you, but the ONLY thing I want ruling and reigning over me and in me… is THE ACTUAL REAL LIFE PERSON OF JESUS. You in on that with me?!
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Colossians 3:13
Three Practicals:
Forgiveness is more about you than it even is about them. When you think about someone receiving a good gift… you likely aren’t thinking, “How great did she have to be to get such a good present?” You are probably thinking something more like, “Wow they are a really good giver. They really love that person.” When the Lord forgives, it says WAY more about the Character of God, in His goodness than it does about us. His forgiveness speaks to His grace, His goodness, and His love. Let’s be people who allow forgiveness to point right toward the character of God living inside us in a world where forgiveness is incredibly counter-cultural.
Forgiveness is an ongoing choice for us to make. Sometimes reminders of past hurt come to steal our joy, kill our peace, and destroy our focus. In college, I worked hard on forgiving a few key people from my past. I really had moved on and felt a lot of healing in this area. One day long after graduation I was in my parent’s basement going through old papers, binders, textbooks etc. and found some things that sent my memories right back to this whole load of hurt that I thought was baggage I already unpacked and took to goodwill. Forgiveness at that moment looked like me talking with Jesus a little like this: “Lord I thought this was dealt with and right now these feelings are coming back up. I am recognizing hurt here and want to place it back in your hands. I forgive _____ again right now. I will not feel shame for needing to forgive them again. Forgiveness allows me not to carry this burden with me today. Bless _____ in their day today, I speak favor over them in Jesus’ Name.”
Hurt does not have to twist the way you look at God. It can be really easy to start wondering if God is also like the people who hurt us. It can be easy to wonder why God allows bad things to happen. This is deep soul work that I definitely recommend you spend time with the Lord working through, but I have one thing I think can help you get started. Remember people and things of this world are fallen (broken). I believe the Lord wants to redeem His character to you even when things of this world seem broken and impossible to forgive. His character will be revealed to you when we keep our hearts soft to receive it.
Go in peace
