Drink Reviews, Coming Back To Life and Having More Fun On The Internet
If we aren’t friends on Instagram, this post might need a little context. Danny and I got married in March and shortly after, I was spending a lot of nights home alone while he was working. I wanted to fill my time with something creative but didn’t know what that looked like yet. My friend Nikki had mentioned that she started making her own green juice and I thought I would give it a try. With no makeup on, no camera stand, and nothing fancy I decided to film the process of making my own green juice and subsequently posted a low-quality reel.
I had so much fun.
My IG feed at the time was a lot of wedding reels, a lot of baby duck videos, and a lot of feeling left out of invites. My schedule was pretty lonely with figuring out new rhythms of how to live with a boy who worked crazy hours, and how to spend creative alone time. I started asking myself the question, “How can I have more fun on the internet?”
I posted a second reel.
I drank a Ginger Lime Poppi which might be in my top 5 drinks, and gave it a personality. I said things like “You were a good TA when the professor went out of town.” People laughed, and I did too.
Engagement and Deliverance
I have hinted at this in little places online but have never really come right out and said it for real until right now… but my engagement season just about took me out. I was deeply struggling with depression and panic attacks amidst starting a new job, planning a wedding, leading at our church, and trying to enter marriage as a whole person.
I asked Jesus over and over to bring life back into my spirit. I asked Him for laughter.
Some friends of ours hold a worship gathering called Freedom Nights in their home. At the time I was experiencing panic attacks daily, sometimes they looked more like uncontrollable anxiety attacks, and other times they looked more like blacking out, not being able to hear people speaking to me, not being able to catch my breath, etc. Regardless, nothing was helping. It was at a Freedom Night that a woman stood up and shared how she was set free from anxiety and depression by the Power of Jesus and I saw my friend Aly motion to me across the room as if this woman’s words of healing were for me too. I have had people pray against anxiety in my life before. I had stopped asking people for prayer because anxiety would always come back worse and I would end up feeling teased by God.
This particular night was different. I was so desperate for healing that I raised my hand. I sat in this living room and people started laying hands on me and praying. I don’t remember much but I do remember sensing pressure lift off my shoulders and chest and a warm peace come over me. Then the most miraculous thing of all I started laughing. I had asked Jesus that week for laughter because I couldn’t remember the last time I had actually laughed. The joy of the Lord fell on me and I started giggling which turned into contagious belly laughs. I was in awe. I felt depression and panic lift off me that night. THANK YOU JESUS.
The Creative Wind
After we got married I noticed I finally had the mental margin to process what in the whole world had happened in the months leading up to the wedding. I asked Jesus for more laughter and more life.
Soon I started noticing colorful drinks at my grocery store and would try a couple here and there. Poppi and Olipop were starting to explode in the probiotic soda market and I wanted a way to stay creative on the internet and stop taking my feed so stinking seriously. Giving soda silly personalities started as a way to find my way back to creative Sarah, to spark joy back in her eyes, to do something light, and that didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Even in a quest to make Instagram more fun, I still found myself with some residual negative thinking.
I was scared to make colorful things online. I was scared that “fun Sarah” had disappeared. I was self-conscious that even though I thought this was cute and quirky, no one else would. I was scared that I forgot how to be creative. I was scared of what one particular individual would think. Guess what, they have never liked a single drink-related post and have never brought up drink reviews with me in real life. Jesus constantly reminds me that this is not to be about the approval of man.
I was nervous that people would say mean things about what I was creating. No one has, thank you, God. In fact, people are sending me reels of how to make pop at home, tagging me in their own drink reviews and someone even messaged a drink brand asking them to sponsor me. People have been so kind.
I think I kept posting these bubbly personality posts because they pushed back the darkness of fear. Doing something I was nervous about pushed back the lies that told me I wasn’t creative and that 7 months of deep depression had stolen all my fun forever. Not in the Name of Jesus.
The healthiest Sarah is writing and creating and dreaming and painting and decorating and baking and laughing.
That Sarah is coming back.
It has taken a few months. There are still days when panic tries to creep in and I call my friend Aly. She reminds me that I am free and that these kinds of moments don’t get authority over my life.
In answering the question “How can I have more fun on the internet?” I experienced the grace and kindness of the Lord over a fresh idea. It was also His grace and kindness to put some life behind these posts when I didn’t have much to contribute. While He was at it, I think this was His creative way of bringing me back to life too.
Thank you, God, for Canva and Instagram. Thank you, God, for not leaving us in darkness but delivering us from evil. Thank you, God, for silly creative things that make me laugh. Thank you for giving us joy and a sound mind. Thank you for Ginger Lime Poppi. Thank you for caring about things as little as this and as big as kicking depression to the curb. Thank you for letting me take this too far and for having way too much fun.
Amen.
P.S. If you want to see the drink reviews you can head over to Instagram and see the highlight.
