Even When You Can’t Feel It

Just because you can’t feel it doesn't mean it's not there. 

When I was recovering from spinal fusion surgery in 2015 the surgeons explained that a lot of my nerves were trying to find each other again which caused a lot of muscle confusion. Amidst the relearning to roll over, take full breaths, walk upstairs, and not lose my balance on hills, the whole muscle/nerve situation was honestly the least of my concerns. 

I remember my dad putting his hand on my shoulder even months after surgery and being startled to see that his hand was there but that I couldn’t feel it. My body was playing tricks on my mind!

Scans post spinal fusion surgery July 2015.

It has been six years since I had spinal fusion surgery, but even this morning, I was working out a knot in my back, but my skin was numb and feelingless. (Don’t get me wrong, it is way better than it used to be, but it’s been a humble reminder that my body is still healing even now.)

I attribute a lot of how I experience the world to feeling. And while that is what it is, oftentimes feelings trick me into believing a false reality much like my muscles did to my brain.

Something Holy Spirit has been whispering to me, even this morning, is that even when I don’t feel it, He is working on our behalf. I am choosing not to let emotions trick me into believing what isn’t true about myself, relationships, the church, our world, my future; you name it. I am choosing to look to scripture and remind myself that what He says is worth believing. We have an abundantly faithful God.

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope that we profess, for He who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23 (NIV)